Honesty and Loyalty

I have taken my past for granted. I have made bad decisions and at times I never took them on as lessons. One decision I will never ever be able to take back is lying and cheating. Yes, the worst of the worst. Right now I am having this on-going mental battle with my self as my husband explains how and why he is at these crossroads. I've lied and yep I too have cheated, but I feel so misunderstood because I was not alone in this battle and I with out doubt didn't kick this party off.

So now everything that is said and just about everything I do is second guessed and linked to another man. What is so mind boggling is the mere fact that I am not doing it.

So on to a better question, why not?

Let's think about this, really.
I would still have to deal with the same things I deal with on a daily basis, but it would be true!
I would probably have more fun!
And, my husbands assumptions wouldn't bother me at all.

But what about everything else.
What about the time invested in my relationship. What about forgiving and forgetting. What about personal growth?

I have never been so stuck. I am at this point where I am leaving all of our mutual beings and decisions (in regards to being together) up to him.

What I find funny is the fact he can start this party and not have the guts or the strength to finish it.

Either be together or walk away. This is not a game that is built on torture.

And that's where I am right now.

Pull my hair out my head one strand at a time. I want to walk away instead of dealing with the cards that are being dealt to me, but I love that man with all my heart, and if he or I decide to have a side piece and the other still sticks around there should be no argument.

My point: if you feel so passionate about what you think is true, than accept it or move on.

I've made my decision and I am very content.