No Kid No Hubbie?

This week has been a very trying one in regards to my relationship and while it appears I have been brushing the seriousness of it off, I have been playing in my mind, my next move and how it may affect my future. Better yet, I am going to dig deep with in my self and do what is necessary for me to overcome this storm and move right on along.
I am going to DC this weekend, and this is going to be the first trip I have taken in a very long time with out my husband and with out my child. This is going to be interesting. I am so ready to site see. I am ready for the change of environment, and I am ready to just take my life to another place via bus lol. Next stop NYC for Halloween! LOL LOL

My clothes are packed, my outfits are decent, nothing on the raunchy level. And shoes aren't loud... not to mention its time for a new pair. I am just ready to link up with my girl meet some new folks, chalk back a few drinks and keep the party rolling!!!!!

DC Here I come!!!!

I feel like I have said this before! lol

Work out

Wednesday I had the best workout of my life. Sweating is the best way for me to release energy, stress, anger and anything else built up inside of me. Talk can help soothe these niches but there is nothing like getting on a machine and sweating it up.

I am ready for a girl filled weekend of fun relaxation, no men, no kids and PLEASE no drama.

I want to find a spa and get some aromatherapy in my life. Hell I want so really 1 on 1 therapy, I am in need of it right now!!!!!

School, my relationship, my job, my child all if it is just so up in the air, nothing has any balance or stability right now. Neither does my personal well being. I am playing a role and pretending I am making well but goodness, this is so much for one girl to take!

Stick with me on this journey, it is going to get interesting world. My life, as we know it.

Honesty and Loyalty

I have taken my past for granted. I have made bad decisions and at times I never took them on as lessons. One decision I will never ever be able to take back is lying and cheating. Yes, the worst of the worst. Right now I am having this on-going mental battle with my self as my husband explains how and why he is at these crossroads. I've lied and yep I too have cheated, but I feel so misunderstood because I was not alone in this battle and I with out doubt didn't kick this party off.

So now everything that is said and just about everything I do is second guessed and linked to another man. What is so mind boggling is the mere fact that I am not doing it.

So on to a better question, why not?

Let's think about this, really.
I would still have to deal with the same things I deal with on a daily basis, but it would be true!
I would probably have more fun!
And, my husbands assumptions wouldn't bother me at all.

But what about everything else.
What about the time invested in my relationship. What about forgiving and forgetting. What about personal growth?

I have never been so stuck. I am at this point where I am leaving all of our mutual beings and decisions (in regards to being together) up to him.

What I find funny is the fact he can start this party and not have the guts or the strength to finish it.

Either be together or walk away. This is not a game that is built on torture.

And that's where I am right now.

Pull my hair out my head one strand at a time. I want to walk away instead of dealing with the cards that are being dealt to me, but I love that man with all my heart, and if he or I decide to have a side piece and the other still sticks around there should be no argument.

My point: if you feel so passionate about what you think is true, than accept it or move on.

I've made my decision and I am very content.

Annual Blogger

I really should be ashamed about my level of dedication when things come to mind or cross my path that spark my interest. I LOVE writing, so why is sitting down for ten minutes to entertain my self and stick to something, seem like such a chore. Ahhh who knows. So lets give this another shot.

I am 10 pounds lighter, still working to get rid of yet another 10, and it is do-able. I can feel it!!!

I have been in my natural state for almost two years!!!! See - I have so much to blog about but I have been depriving the world! LOL LOL.

My child is big, my husband is teaching me something about my self every day.

I am grateful, and lucky. And it has taken tons of frustrating days, nights, weeks, months even years, for me to realize this.

I thank my team. With out them two, I really don't know what life would be like.

Until then.

To stay or to leave..... Is that really a question?

Ok, so why the hell is life so stressful. And why is it so difficult to gain control of things that seem so within reach. I have worked with the same organization for almost six years. I watched just as much wrong doing as good. But why is it that i am still never amazed at all of the things done that's wrong???

Cause my ass is a slave to a pay check.
Now ain't that a bitch.


So now is the time for me to free my self and venture off into my new world. I am awaiting the over due return of my husband, the union of my family, the introduction of the raw lifestyle and so much more.

I am not sure how I ever became so complacent and comfortable with my current situation. I am not sure how I let them win me over by giving me a raise one year and nixing out on me the next. The bigger question is WHY did I let them do it.

But I guess there is no need to cry over spilled milk. I have learned a lot and now it is time for me to move on. I am really excited about relocating. I will be close to my mom, so she can spend more time with our kid and me and hubby and re-connect the way we have envisioned for some time now. With this extra help the financial strain will be lifted off my shoulders for a bit so I can then focus on school - just saying that is exciting.


From the looks of it I think next week is the week that I drop my notice in... this should be exciting lol lol lol

Again? LOL

I love the fact that life presents so many challenges and then turns right around and blesses you. If I sat down and typed up all that 2010 has delivered to me, you would first laugh, then look at me in disbelief, and then laugh your ass off again.
For what ever reason, while I do in a sense feel beat, I don't feel defeated, if that makes any sense!
Right now, at a very weak point I feel so strong! I am broke as hell, and have not a clue on how I am going to make it past the month, let alone out the year. A second job would be the ideal answer BUT I have a family to look after, one vehicle and classes to attend. A second gig just doesn't look promising right now.
One this is for sure, I got on the damn scale on Tuesday and almost died! LOL LOL I am back at the 170 mark! How and why do I let this happen to me every time? Why am I playing the yo yo game instead of just heading straight for the gotdamn capital. Ugh.
Stress, that's the reason why.

All I can do is just shake it, and continue to plan and move right on along.

Join me LOL

I know...

Its like every six months I have something to post or to say. That is far from the case.

Moving right along.
2010 has shown me just how crazy I can get. Its been a very interesting year thus far.
I've picked up weight, whats below the waist I am liking, but this upper body is not the biz so I am currently working that out. Working it out  full blown this time. Plan on making two more trips to the city this year, and know I have got to come thru looking RIGHT LOL.

I want to take time out and shout out the moms the wives the women that hold it down. I also want to give a double shout  out to the men that keep these women going. Its not an easy task but you've signed on to it.

I want to give a shout out to my husband not only for holding me down thus long and for still being in this court. Its tough but you do it. So stop being an ass 65% of the time and lets get the party started for real!!!!!!!!!!
LOL




Love you