Tasty Tuesday

I missed out yesterday due to the fact the people that pay me to work, actually put me to work... ummmhummm go figure.

With that being said lets officially get this party started. First and foremost I have to shout out the two people that make this blog possible my other half and my Twin. LOL.

While riding into work today and bassing the ABC and Twinkle twinkle little star song, I thought to self, "Self, what are you going to accomplish today?"
Today I am going to make sure I let my loved ones know just how much I love them. I am going to actually go hard at selling some halloween tickets if I expect any one to be there, and I am going to stop letting my child ask me to listen to the Stanky Leg.... yes somethings must come to an end.


And while today is tasty Tuesday, I wont let that get to my head..... I will NOT pick up the bottle tonight!!!!


...... Now tomorrow is a different story! LOL

Past, Present, and Future Love

I fell in love last night. I fell in love with a man that has been a part of my entire adulthood. I fell in love with a man that has molded me into all of the womanliness I possess. I fell in love last night with the first man that has ever had my heard, mind and soul in his hands all at once.I fell in love with my child's father, my husband of eight years.

And it truly felt amazing.

Love is a powerful force, it can make you smile or cry all day long. Some times it can leave you in a state of complete confusion. Other times, and these are the best times, it reminds you that nothing else in the world matters besides love. Nothing.

I had a unwanted period of separation from my husband and now that he is back I feel so elevated.The vibe between us seems to be off to a great start. I am so nervous.

NTW

When I hit my late teens and started learning what life was focused around ($$) I had it stamped in my head NO KIDS FOR ME!!!!

That was all until I somehow let my self fall in love and then had this urge to create, share, and duplicate, gotdamn mother nature!

And now here she is 4 years later. Making me laugh, cry, dance, shout, read, write, and confess. Never had I thought a seed, a creation could give me the feeling that I feel when ever I am with and with out her. It is amazing! I find my self thinking about her future, wondering what she is going to be like as a teen, and as an adult. Will she always love me this much? Will she always kiss me this much? Will she always feel like she needs me? Will she always want to talk to me? Honestly?

I make sure I tell her, that I want her to be honest with me. When she wants to talk about having a boyfriend, I don't shoot her with the, "NOT NOW, don't say that, just think about school" because I know the conversation is going to come up if not with me it will be with one of her pick-a-niny friends, and I DO NOT WANT THAT, ugh.

I love my mini me.

...Next How I Met and fell for Mr. CLW.....

No Kid No Hubbie?

This week has been a very trying one in regards to my relationship and while it appears I have been brushing the seriousness of it off, I have been playing in my mind, my next move and how it may affect my future. Better yet, I am going to dig deep with in my self and do what is necessary for me to overcome this storm and move right on along.
I am going to DC this weekend, and this is going to be the first trip I have taken in a very long time with out my husband and with out my child. This is going to be interesting. I am so ready to site see. I am ready for the change of environment, and I am ready to just take my life to another place via bus lol. Next stop NYC for Halloween! LOL LOL

My clothes are packed, my outfits are decent, nothing on the raunchy level. And shoes aren't loud... not to mention its time for a new pair. I am just ready to link up with my girl meet some new folks, chalk back a few drinks and keep the party rolling!!!!!

DC Here I come!!!!

I feel like I have said this before! lol

Work out

Wednesday I had the best workout of my life. Sweating is the best way for me to release energy, stress, anger and anything else built up inside of me. Talk can help soothe these niches but there is nothing like getting on a machine and sweating it up.

I am ready for a girl filled weekend of fun relaxation, no men, no kids and PLEASE no drama.

I want to find a spa and get some aromatherapy in my life. Hell I want so really 1 on 1 therapy, I am in need of it right now!!!!!

School, my relationship, my job, my child all if it is just so up in the air, nothing has any balance or stability right now. Neither does my personal well being. I am playing a role and pretending I am making well but goodness, this is so much for one girl to take!

Stick with me on this journey, it is going to get interesting world. My life, as we know it.

Honesty and Loyalty

I have taken my past for granted. I have made bad decisions and at times I never took them on as lessons. One decision I will never ever be able to take back is lying and cheating. Yes, the worst of the worst. Right now I am having this on-going mental battle with my self as my husband explains how and why he is at these crossroads. I've lied and yep I too have cheated, but I feel so misunderstood because I was not alone in this battle and I with out doubt didn't kick this party off.

So now everything that is said and just about everything I do is second guessed and linked to another man. What is so mind boggling is the mere fact that I am not doing it.

So on to a better question, why not?

Let's think about this, really.
I would still have to deal with the same things I deal with on a daily basis, but it would be true!
I would probably have more fun!
And, my husbands assumptions wouldn't bother me at all.

But what about everything else.
What about the time invested in my relationship. What about forgiving and forgetting. What about personal growth?

I have never been so stuck. I am at this point where I am leaving all of our mutual beings and decisions (in regards to being together) up to him.

What I find funny is the fact he can start this party and not have the guts or the strength to finish it.

Either be together or walk away. This is not a game that is built on torture.

And that's where I am right now.

Pull my hair out my head one strand at a time. I want to walk away instead of dealing with the cards that are being dealt to me, but I love that man with all my heart, and if he or I decide to have a side piece and the other still sticks around there should be no argument.

My point: if you feel so passionate about what you think is true, than accept it or move on.

I've made my decision and I am very content.

Annual Blogger

I really should be ashamed about my level of dedication when things come to mind or cross my path that spark my interest. I LOVE writing, so why is sitting down for ten minutes to entertain my self and stick to something, seem like such a chore. Ahhh who knows. So lets give this another shot.

I am 10 pounds lighter, still working to get rid of yet another 10, and it is do-able. I can feel it!!!

I have been in my natural state for almost two years!!!! See - I have so much to blog about but I have been depriving the world! LOL LOL.

My child is big, my husband is teaching me something about my self every day.

I am grateful, and lucky. And it has taken tons of frustrating days, nights, weeks, months even years, for me to realize this.

I thank my team. With out them two, I really don't know what life would be like.

Until then.